Hold You In

The air was cold that night. Every breath he exhaled came in the form of wispy fog, exiting his mouth and nostrils and dissipating into the air instantly. Despite wearing a wool scarf, the same one that was woven by his girlfriend for his birthday, and wearing two layers of puffy jackets, Lucas could still feel the chill of the wind against his skin. As he looked up at the night sky, he saw stars painting the sky with their white dots, almost like an artist splattering paint onto a canvas. In the distance, he could see the moon covered by misty, dark clouds.

Lucas was in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by endless wheat fields and a long, dirt road, the only light source coming from his car’s headlights and his phone’s flashlight. He stood next to one of the tires of his car, which was now slightly sunken in. Flat.

“So…what happened?”

Lucas looked up and saw his girlfriend, Samantha, peeking out the window of the passenger seat, her eyes wide. She was bundled up just like he was, her hands gripping the cuffs of her sleeve for dear life, trying to get any sense of warmth. 

“Tire is flat,” he said, shaking his head, “I don’t know what to do.” 

She sighed. “Do you have a spare tire?” 

“No. I forgot to pack it before we headed off,” he said, scratching his head. 

The two were supposed to go on a cross-country road trip, to visit one of their college friends in Philadelphia. They recently had moved there after they graduated college and invited the two to hang out for the next two weeks, which was now on hold due to them being stranded in the middle of nowhere.

“Maybe try calling roadside assistance?” Samantha said. She couldn’t read Lucas’s expression very well, his face was deadpan, his mouth was slightly frowning. He shook his head. “I don’t think I even have insurance.” 

Lucas proceeded to sit down onto the ground, which was covered in mud and dirt. He put his head in his hands. He could feel the tears starting to form, burning his eyes. He hadn’t cried in a hot minute. 

“Lucas?” Samantha said. No answer, only the heaving breaths of a man wanting to go home already. 

“Lucas!” Samantha repeated. He refused to budge, partly because he had no motivation. Also, the muddy puddle he sat next to was about to reach his pants. As he continued to mope, he heard the distant sounds of the car’s doors open and footsteps becoming louder and louder. 

“If you’re going to cry, at least do it inside the car,” Samantha said, kneeling down to his level. A group of moths fluttered between them, and by instinct Samantha swatted at the air, making a disgusted grimace. 

“It’s over,” Lucas said, his voice muffled through the fabric of his jacket. 

“What’s over?” She said, her tone a bit worried. 

“Everything. How are we supposed to get out of here now?!”

“...Just call the towing company?”  

He continued to sit there, silent. Samantha sighed and sat down next to him. 

“Do you want to just…talk?” she asked. “Preferably somewhere with no moths and bugs?” 

He sighed, hesitating to answer. Up to this very moment, he’d felt as if his life was a complete mess. College, work, everything. This was merely the tipping point. Still the words of his girlfriend helped him muster up a small yet gentle, “Yes.”

Samantha held her hand out, and Lucas took it gladly. She pulled him up, revealing mud on his calf. 

“Oh, great,” he said. 

“Consequence of your actions.” Samantha laughed. “You sat down on this dirty road. What did you think was going to happen?” The two made their way back to the car. Lucas scrambled to the backseat first, grabbed a towel, and plopped it onto the driver’s seat. 

“Let me be dramatic in peace.”

“You always are,” Samantha said as she closed the door. 

The two were met with the darkness that loomed between them. Samantha turned on the dome light revealing Lucas’s expression in all of its glory. His wavy hair was a mess, strands sticking out as if he hadn’t brushed it in weeks. His eyes were wide, the corners filled with small tears. His bottom lip trembled. 

“Lucas?” Samantha said, “Are you alright?” 

He sighed. He hesitated to say anything. How could he let out months of frustration without sounding like he was about to have a breakdown? 

“I…” He started, trying to form the words. He turned to look at her again. Samantha smiled, the top of her head covered by a beanie, white, fluffy jacket slightly stained from the snacks eat they’d eaten earlier. “I just..” He sighed, “I don’t know what to do with my life after college ends.” 

Samantha nodded. 

“We’re graduating from college in a few months. I feel like everyone already knows what they want to do, and I’m stuck here, not knowing a damn thing.” Lucas leaned into the car headrest. 

“How long have you kept this inside?” 

“Months,” Lucas said.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Samantha furrowed her brow. 

He shrugged, “I just… I don’t know. I didn’t tell anyone to be fair.” 

Silence filled the car. 

“I was scared…I mean it isn’t even just that. I hate my job, but job searching is a pain, and I don’t know if I can even afford to quit.” He put his hand on his forehead and ran his finger through his hair. 

“Then, I’ll help,” Samantha said. She grabbed his hand and put her hand on top of his palm. Her pinky rubbed against his. “I’ll try to help in any way I can.” 

“Sam…” Lucas said, “I don’t want to be a burden-” 

“You’re not a burden for asking for help. We’re dating for god's sake! We should be willing to help each other.” 

He sighed, “So…you’re not…” 

She tilted her head, “Not what?” 

“You’re not angry?” Lucas said. 

“Why would I be?” Sam said, giggling softly. “If you’re not comfortable telling me, you don’t have to. But I want you to know that you can come to me for anything, and I will be there to support you.” 

He could already feel the tears. He tried his best to keep it in, but he couldn’t any more. He held onto her hand tightly and said, “Thank you,” in a shallow whisper. “God, I’m so sorry about all this.” He looked out the window. The fields were barely visible, shrouded by fog. Moths flitted in and out of the headlights. 

“Don’t be,” Samantha said. “Also, was the tire going flat-”

“The tipping point?” Lucas said. “Yes. It was.”

“I thought you were just really frustrated over the tire.” 

“I mean… who says I’m not?” Lucas said, stifling a laugh. “Speaking of tires, we should probably get on calling that towing company.”

As he reached for his phone, the two heard a loud boom in the distance. 

“Oh no,” Samantha said, her eyes widening. 

“Don’t tell me.” Lucas peered out the window. 

As if on queue, the rain started to pour heavily. Each raindrop thudded onto the road and the sides of the card. The stars that splattered the sky were now covered by bleak clouds, harsh rain crashing onto the fields.

Samantha let go of Lucas’s hand and wrapped her arm around his, pressing her head into his shoulder. She shut her eyes so tightly Lucas could see the small wrinkles forming around them. 

“We’ll ride it out,” Lucas said, patting her arm. 

She nodded. She had always hated the rain. The amount of times where she was close to having a panic attack during a rainstorm, she’d practically lost count. Something about the lightning and the boom that comes afterwards, then the harsh, torrential rain that banged against the walls and windows as if it would tear the entire thing down. To be stuck in the middle of nowhere with her partner in a car that only had limited fuel: it left her paralyzed. 

“I can put on a song, how about that?” Not even waiting for her response, Lucas scrolled through his playlist to find one of her favorites. His thumb scraped against each song until he found it: Everlong.

Soft guitar sounds filled the space between them before another guitar played a harsher chord. He put his head against hers and closed his eyes. Despite everything, he’d never felt more calm than he was in this moment. He watched as the rain poured down even harder, shaking the car. He simply cranked the volume higher.